without the warmth from a woman's good, good heart.
Skyler is still doing well. She is eating great, which one of her nurses said we got lucky with. She's a wonderful eater. However, she has been having trouble with her temperature. They were able to wean down the temperature on her bed to its lowest setting again today, but I'm not sure if she'll do well enough to come out of her isolette yet. She will hold her body temp on that lowest setting for a bit, then she gets cold and they have to turn it back up.
Her nurse called today and said they would like to do a blood transfusion. Her hematocrit has been low recently and despite giving her extra iron & a new (very nasty looking) liquid multivitamin, it hasn't gotten better. She was very confident that this will help Skyler get out of her isolette faster. Skyler is just growing too fast for her body to keep up with and her nurse assured me it was nothing out of the ordinary for a preemie (which I knew from reading other preemie mom blogs). We are so, so close that is is frustrating. It sucks when you are at that VERY LAST item on the checklist and you just have to wait. But of course, we don't want her to come home before she is ready. Just a few more days & I think she'll have it.
Sunday is our baby shower. I'm really glad we still get to have it, since I've never really been to one & think it will be fun, even just to visit with everyone. I got Skyler's room ready for my mom's visit today, though she won't be able to use the dresser because Skyler already has SO MUCH CLOTHING that her drawers are full, hah. It should be fun to have my mom here for a while, last time we saw each other was October but on a very sad occasion. So, we are looking forward to a nice visit. She gets in on March 2nd and gets to ride with Jeremiah for a good 2hrs, unless Skyler is still at the hospital then I will probably go with. Though I am interested to see how their first meeting goes and how they will get along with each other in the car haha. I'm sure it'll be fine, neither of them are hard people to get along with.
It is looking like I'll still have at least 1.5 to 2 weeks of my original maternity leave left by the time Skyler gets home, so I won't have to take much (if any) extra time from work. It will be weird going back, I think, but I feel so lazy sitting around the house all day. I know it'd be different if Skyler was here, but after the first week I felt more or less healed up and now it is just a waiting game. It drives me crazy. Between the excitement of my mom coming and the anxiety of Skyler being released literally any day now makes it hard to sleep at night. I feel like I'm going crazy! Every day seems longer and longer.. It actually goes faster when Jeremiah goes to work because I can sit on the couch & watch t.v. and nap allll day then suddenly it is night time. Just a few more days..
Here is to hoping that this transfusion helps Skyler's little body learn to hold its temperature so she can come home. We are cheering for her & keeping our fingers crossed!!
just a few more days...
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Almost there.
Things are looking great. I called and talked to Skyler's nurse today, the same one from our visit the other night. She was 4lb 0.5oz last night, which is great! That's like 2oz in one day. She mentioned that (since the drs. hadn't made rounds yet) she would talk to the dr. about moving Skyler to demand feedings. Basically, instead of waking her up and feeding her on a schedule, they will let her wake herself up and tell them she is hungry. She said this morning Skyler woke up a bit early for her feeding and was making it known that she was ready, haha. Unfortenately she has a diaper rash right now, poor girl. The nurse thinks it might be her formula, and will talk to the dr. about moving her back down to 22calorie in hopes it will help. (She thinks the 24calorie might be too rich). She advised that we try to get some of our discharge teaching done when we visit tomorrow, so there is less to do on discharge day. What?! That makes it so much more real. We are very excited now, just keeping our fingers crossed that there aren't any setbacks. The nurse said she lowered her bed temp, and it sounded like open crib was coming up today or tomorrow. Woohoo! Tonight is measurement night, so we will know how long she is now (a bit over 16" last week). So far, so good. Keep it up Skyler!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Prepare to party..
baby style.
Last nights visit went great. The nurse that had Skyler's room in the Lvl 2 Nursery last night was, interesting. Normally there's two nurses in there, but it looks like 2 of the babies that were there last week have since been discharged, =) go babies go. I suppose the best way to explain this nurse is that she is older, and yes, very helpful, but almost overbearing in a way. She has to be in-your-face while giving you advice. The advice was MUCH appreciated, don't get me wrong, but like I said, in-your-faceeee. Also, she was much more of a "professional" advice giver, whereas some of the other nurses relate better to how their words sound outloud. When I asked if there is any timeline on when Skyler might go home, she said the same ol' "Aim for your due date". Of course we know that is what they have to tell you, but no one likes hearing it. Anyway, she seemed to lighten up a bit, we were the only parents in the room & we were just watching Skyler nap before her feeding. (Mostly laughing at how she can't ever seem to keep her legs still - kicking them all over the place lol). She then called up the Dr. so we could talk to him about Skyler's progress. I explained to him how my mom needs to purchase her ticket a bit in advance to visit because it is much cheaper that way, probably 2wks if we can. He looked at us and said "I would tell her to buy it!" He explained that if all goes well (no setbacks, which DO happen, but we are crossing our fingers) she should be full feeds by Sun/Monday. (Taking all of her feeding by bottles, no tube feeds). She should be moving to open crib any day now, she is getting sooo close! After she does these two things he will want to watch her for 48hrs to make sure she can do them without any problems & still gain weight. After that she should be good to go, which he estimates will be the end of the week! That is THIS WEEK. We were so,so,so excited. Skyler has yet to have any major setbacks, or any minor ones that I can think of. She has always progressed forward. She did have a pause for 2 or 3 days where she couldn't get past 2 bottles but I don't call that a "setback", she was just sleepy =). After we left (I will go more into depth about the rest of the visit after this part..) Jeremiah & I were so excited and yet still in disbelief. She could be home 7 days from now! Then we realized, that's before my shower! We've decided he will stay home with her during the shower. Though she is the star of the event, I just don't think I could take her out at 6:30pm after she's only been home maybe a few days, and put her through all that excitement & noise & touching & germs & lights, did I mention germs? However, towards the end, we might pop her in and let her say Hi from the safety of her car seat, with a handshake from some relatives. Maybe just a wave.. we'll see. I'm just nervous about her getting sick & ending up back in the NICU, and it's hard to explain that to people without hurting their feelings. I don't want her to grow up in a bubble, but she is so little! Oh & I was happy to find out our hospital doesn't have a weight restriction for discharge. Though Skyler is creeping up quickly to 4lbs (She was a bit over 3lb 14oz last night), it would feel like forever if we had to wait for a certain number. She is going to be small no matter what, Jeremiah & I are not exactly big people here! hah. Anyhow, we went to the store for some groceries on our way home and decided to finally get her a few things. We've got her a few clothes here & there but really, not much else lately. So, we got her a bouncer, a little frog that has chewable parts on his legs and has a rattle in his belly (shakeshakeshake, shake your froggy..) & this little seahorse toy I've been wanting to buy her since like, week 20! Hope she likes it as much as I do.. hah.
Anyhow, back to the visit. I had the wonderful privilege (Oh my, I'm going to actually say this was a privilege!) of changing Skyler's diaper, which I hadn't done in a while. MUCH less scary this time, there were alot less tubes. However, she did her first Synagis shot yesterday (it's for RSV) in her little leg & I felt AWFUL trying to figure out how to change a TINY diaper, from the side, through isolette holes, on a baby with a sore leg, while a nurse is hovering over me. I was a pretty good diaper changer when my brother was born but that was 9 (almost 10) years ago! And he wasn't THIS small, or in a plastic box! But we made it through unscathed. Then it was food time. Skyler took her bottle really well for me, though not the little extra the nurse added. She showed me how to make sure she stays awake through the feeding, how to hold her head & remind her to keep sucking when she would decide she would rather just sit there and stare at us with a bottle hanging out of her mouth, haha. Then the nurse told us how Skyler is not a good burper. She was right! It took all 3 of us to finally get her to burp and instead she nearly puked on Jeremiah. He was the only one of us (after 2 positions and a few other little tricks) that could get her to burp. She finished her bottle with about 5-10mins to spare, woohoo! We were putting her back in her bed and realized she needed to be changed again, maybe that's why she wouldn't burp.. So, I got to do it again & this time the bed was opened up which made it MUCH easier. Also the nurse wasn't hovering at my head, so that helped. It felt so good to be doing more "normal" things with her but will be a lot better (once she is ready) to not have other eyes on you ALLLL the time. It freaks you out. Even though the nurse kept repeating that I wasn't going to hurt her or break her, sometimes it feels like you just might! Jeremiah was all weird about making sure she was "COMFY!" in her bed after her feed. He kept saying she didn't look comfortable and he kept moving her around a bit, putting her little foot rest under her feeties juuuust perfect, it was cute. And then it was photo time. Although Skyler was definitely sleepy, she posed for her pictures! Finally she got tired of Jeremiah's "last one! -CLICKCLICK" and went to sleep. We said goodbye and goodnight. Of course it was hard to leave, like always, but it was easier knowing that we are thiiis close to coming home. Things can change in moments in the NICU, but here's to hoping she keeps moving forward and comes home soon.
Last nights visit went great. The nurse that had Skyler's room in the Lvl 2 Nursery last night was, interesting. Normally there's two nurses in there, but it looks like 2 of the babies that were there last week have since been discharged, =) go babies go. I suppose the best way to explain this nurse is that she is older, and yes, very helpful, but almost overbearing in a way. She has to be in-your-face while giving you advice. The advice was MUCH appreciated, don't get me wrong, but like I said, in-your-faceeee. Also, she was much more of a "professional" advice giver, whereas some of the other nurses relate better to how their words sound outloud. When I asked if there is any timeline on when Skyler might go home, she said the same ol' "Aim for your due date". Of course we know that is what they have to tell you, but no one likes hearing it. Anyway, she seemed to lighten up a bit, we were the only parents in the room & we were just watching Skyler nap before her feeding. (Mostly laughing at how she can't ever seem to keep her legs still - kicking them all over the place lol). She then called up the Dr. so we could talk to him about Skyler's progress. I explained to him how my mom needs to purchase her ticket a bit in advance to visit because it is much cheaper that way, probably 2wks if we can. He looked at us and said "I would tell her to buy it!" He explained that if all goes well (no setbacks, which DO happen, but we are crossing our fingers) she should be full feeds by Sun/Monday. (Taking all of her feeding by bottles, no tube feeds). She should be moving to open crib any day now, she is getting sooo close! After she does these two things he will want to watch her for 48hrs to make sure she can do them without any problems & still gain weight. After that she should be good to go, which he estimates will be the end of the week! That is THIS WEEK. We were so,so,so excited. Skyler has yet to have any major setbacks, or any minor ones that I can think of. She has always progressed forward. She did have a pause for 2 or 3 days where she couldn't get past 2 bottles but I don't call that a "setback", she was just sleepy =). After we left (I will go more into depth about the rest of the visit after this part..) Jeremiah & I were so excited and yet still in disbelief. She could be home 7 days from now! Then we realized, that's before my shower! We've decided he will stay home with her during the shower. Though she is the star of the event, I just don't think I could take her out at 6:30pm after she's only been home maybe a few days, and put her through all that excitement & noise & touching & germs & lights, did I mention germs? However, towards the end, we might pop her in and let her say Hi from the safety of her car seat, with a handshake from some relatives. Maybe just a wave.. we'll see. I'm just nervous about her getting sick & ending up back in the NICU, and it's hard to explain that to people without hurting their feelings. I don't want her to grow up in a bubble, but she is so little! Oh & I was happy to find out our hospital doesn't have a weight restriction for discharge. Though Skyler is creeping up quickly to 4lbs (She was a bit over 3lb 14oz last night), it would feel like forever if we had to wait for a certain number. She is going to be small no matter what, Jeremiah & I are not exactly big people here! hah. Anyhow, we went to the store for some groceries on our way home and decided to finally get her a few things. We've got her a few clothes here & there but really, not much else lately. So, we got her a bouncer, a little frog that has chewable parts on his legs and has a rattle in his belly (shakeshakeshake, shake your froggy..) & this little seahorse toy I've been wanting to buy her since like, week 20! Hope she likes it as much as I do.. hah.
Anyhow, back to the visit. I had the wonderful privilege (Oh my, I'm going to actually say this was a privilege!) of changing Skyler's diaper, which I hadn't done in a while. MUCH less scary this time, there were alot less tubes. However, she did her first Synagis shot yesterday (it's for RSV) in her little leg & I felt AWFUL trying to figure out how to change a TINY diaper, from the side, through isolette holes, on a baby with a sore leg, while a nurse is hovering over me. I was a pretty good diaper changer when my brother was born but that was 9 (almost 10) years ago! And he wasn't THIS small, or in a plastic box! But we made it through unscathed. Then it was food time. Skyler took her bottle really well for me, though not the little extra the nurse added. She showed me how to make sure she stays awake through the feeding, how to hold her head & remind her to keep sucking when she would decide she would rather just sit there and stare at us with a bottle hanging out of her mouth, haha. Then the nurse told us how Skyler is not a good burper. She was right! It took all 3 of us to finally get her to burp and instead she nearly puked on Jeremiah. He was the only one of us (after 2 positions and a few other little tricks) that could get her to burp. She finished her bottle with about 5-10mins to spare, woohoo! We were putting her back in her bed and realized she needed to be changed again, maybe that's why she wouldn't burp.. So, I got to do it again & this time the bed was opened up which made it MUCH easier. Also the nurse wasn't hovering at my head, so that helped. It felt so good to be doing more "normal" things with her but will be a lot better (once she is ready) to not have other eyes on you ALLLL the time. It freaks you out. Even though the nurse kept repeating that I wasn't going to hurt her or break her, sometimes it feels like you just might! Jeremiah was all weird about making sure she was "COMFY!" in her bed after her feed. He kept saying she didn't look comfortable and he kept moving her around a bit, putting her little foot rest under her feeties juuuust perfect, it was cute. And then it was photo time. Although Skyler was definitely sleepy, she posed for her pictures! Finally she got tired of Jeremiah's "last one! -CLICKCLICK" and went to sleep. We said goodbye and goodnight. Of course it was hard to leave, like always, but it was easier knowing that we are thiiis close to coming home. Things can change in moments in the NICU, but here's to hoping she keeps moving forward and comes home soon.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Just a note, before we go.
As I stated in my last entry, I was going to call today before we left to "Make sure" Skyler's feeding time was the same. GOOD THING I DID! Even though she JUST went to the Bottle -NG -NG- Bottle schedule YESTERDAY, she is already on an every other schedule TODAY. So Bottle - Ng - Bottle - Ng. That's 4 bottles a day now! Halfway there, woohoo! She did gain some more weight but they had it in grams instead of lbs & oz and now I forget what it was. Instead of heading out to be there at 8:30pm we are going at 5:30pm, leaving momentarily. I've been told once we get to this stage, as long as she has no setbacks, we should be zooming out of NICU in no time. Very excited =). Hopefully we'll get an estimate of how much longer - though of course, things can change so quickly. Go little Skyler, go!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Are we allowed to say "She's getting so big!"?
I feel weird thinking to myself how big she is getting. I mean, yes, she is still QUITE TINY! Especially in her daddy's arms. But she is almost 4lbs! Considering she was 3lbs at her lowest, it is like she has gained a WHOLE lb! (About half a lb from birth weight) but she is at least 2 inches longer! (They measure on Sunday, so we will see how long she is this weekend.) That little baby has gone from tubes & beeps & chimes & itty bitty to barely being hooked up to anything, wearing clothes and getting some baby fat on her little body! Nearly three weeks old. And how she changes every day. I can't even imagine how different she will look tomorrow, considering we haven't seen her since Saturday. It looks like we might have a motor for our car so we should be able to go more often again, although Jeremiah's schedule is all mixed up now from the few overnight shifts (WHICH were terrible, might I add! I could hardly sleep without him home and so I have stayed up as late as possible, last night I was up until almost 4am. Then when he gets home and goes to sleep, I catch a nap and/or websurf/watch Netflix while he sleeps. Trust me, though. Earlier this week I slept enough for three people, and I STILL felt tired..)
As for her feeding, the nurse I spoke to yesterday didn't seem too impressed with her. She said that yes, she was taking her 2 bottles a day but she would tire out after about 10mins and then the nurse had to keep encouraging her to finish. However, we spoke to Sandy this morning (so far the only nurse I remember by name and would say I really enjoy having take care of Skyler, because I know she has done it more than once and is always VERY positive). I was told by other nurses that she was bragging about Skyler on the first day she took a bottle. How cute is that! Although she did have a night shift nurse the other day who was very nice and was changing her bedding to match her outfit, talked about how much she likes purple (which is the color of Skyler's room). I can't remember her name, though, because it was late. Anyway - off topic. Today Sandy said that Skyler is doing well, she just gets tired out. You can't blame the little girl, she's so tiny. The Dr. today changed her feeding from 2 bottles a day, 12hrs apart to Bottle-NG Feed-NG Feed-Bottle-NG-NG-Bottle, etc. which will get her to about 3 bottles a day. (NG feed being her feeding tube, for those who don't know). Also they changed her formula to one with a bit more calories, so she has less to drink down, but still gets enough calories. I think one of the things I'm most excited about tomorrow (out of the little things) is to see what she is wearing. She looks soo different in clothes, it's adorable. Of course what I'm REALLY looking forward to is our FIRST chance to feed her a bottle!! Unfortentaely her bottle times tomorrow fall weirdly, 11:30am & 8:30pm. Jeremiah wants to wait until the 8:30pm, for a few reasons. A) He gets his new cell phone tomorrow and that won't be in until at least 9, which doesn't give us enough time to get it set up & make it to Columbia. B) There's less traffic & he HATES driving in big cities, so it is easier on him. C) We discovered last time we were there that she seems more awake around this time than during the afternoon. We haven't really been out there early, ever, so I'm not sure what difference that would make. It doesn't bug me except that 8:30pm tomorrow IS SOOO FAR AWAAAAY!! I'm going to, of course, call tomorrow morning/afternoon & make SURE they don't change her feeding schedule again (because it is definitely possible). I would be so upset if we missed it. Now, Jeremiah was asking me who gets to do it.. Considering she generally takes them in about 15minutes, sharing is not a very likely possibility. (Time goes by extremely quickly when you're holding her, especially when it only happens a few times a week.) I don't want to be SELFISH, and say I want to. But every time we go, I let him hold her first. And generally longer. I think this is something I need.. I know how badly he wants to do it, but I'm the one still suffering from the dreaded preemie mom guilt (it's getting better..) & the loss of what I had pictured for 7months.. I don't think there is a correct answer here. I suppose he & I will talk about it, and honestly if I explain to him how important it is for me, I think he will feel better about it. I know it is hard for him, too, so I try to do things that help him feel better. They always say a baby is happier with a happy mom, but a happy daddy makes a big difference too, in my opinion. Today we stopped by my work & printed out some pics on the Kodak machine. I made 2 little collage things with 4 little potos for Jeremiah. They are perfect size to cut into singles & keep in his wallet. I let him pick which photos he wanted. He's definitely a proud papa! It also seems that my babyshower is still in the works (not that I had heard otherwise, I just like to check in =]. ) Feb. 28th, still. Same time & place (if you didn't get an invite I still have a few extras. And for those family members that didn't get one in the mail, specifically grandma Marnice.. it more than likely got addressed & then misplaced. I had them almost ALL finished before Skyler decided she didn't want to wait, whoops. Guess I should've got started earlier =]. ) I'm very excited for this experience. I think we'll have lots of fun. And, in my opinion, Skyler should be coming home around this time, probably a bit after (unless something comes up). NOTE: I said in my opinion. I'm no doctor. I just have a feeling it will be around that time or a bit later. Which is good, because I really want to set up anything we may get at the shower and then still have time to go get whatever we're still missing. She already has quite a bit of clothes (thanks everyone!). Her Grandma Nancy (aww first time I've really SAID that) & Grandpa Ron are sending her a nice package this week, and I SHOULDDDDD (key word SHOULD!) keep it shut until the shower, to open in front of everyone. HOWEVER I'm not quite sure I can do this! It is my Birthday/Shower/Skyler's birthday gifts and I'm just not sure I can wait!! However, by the time it gets here I'm sure the shower will be right around the corner (Way to go Alaska to Missouri postal service - slowww) so it might not be too difficult. Well, I see now how long this post is and suppose that is plenty of talking to myself for the time being. Red is laying snuggled up under my armpit, making it slightly difficult to type.. I think he has a feeling his life as the baby (only pet in the house for the last few months) is soon to be over =]. I keep telling him, but I doubt he understands. Also, happy thought waves for our kitty Talim. I haven't seen her come to eat in a few days, and yesterday I heard her meowing from what sounded like under the house but she didn't come out to eat. Then this morning Jeremiah saw some red stuff in the snow, where the car is parked & he freaked out saying " I THINK TALIM IS DEAD". I looked at this said red stuff, it does NOT look like blood to me, rather something leaking from the car or something. His theory was that the icecicles by the red stuff had stabbed her or something, and then she bled in the snow. He did note in his insane ramblings that this is the ONLY SPOT this red stuff is at, and that if she had been injured she should have left a trail. I'm pretty confident she has herself stuck under the house, or something. I'm sure she'll figure it out & come out soon, but positive thoughts her way, anyway. I'm not sure how he would handle it if his little baby Talim got hurt (& as much as I swear she is the cat form of the Devil himself, I would be upset, too.) Well, the dog has moved himself to laying across my belly, I think he wants some snuggles.
Look for new pics of Miss Skyler Michaele tomorrow night or Saturday morning!!
p.s. ignore any typos. My laptop keyboard is not as sensitive as it used to be, I have to PUNCH the keys sometimes..
As for her feeding, the nurse I spoke to yesterday didn't seem too impressed with her. She said that yes, she was taking her 2 bottles a day but she would tire out after about 10mins and then the nurse had to keep encouraging her to finish. However, we spoke to Sandy this morning (so far the only nurse I remember by name and would say I really enjoy having take care of Skyler, because I know she has done it more than once and is always VERY positive). I was told by other nurses that she was bragging about Skyler on the first day she took a bottle. How cute is that! Although she did have a night shift nurse the other day who was very nice and was changing her bedding to match her outfit, talked about how much she likes purple (which is the color of Skyler's room). I can't remember her name, though, because it was late. Anyway - off topic. Today Sandy said that Skyler is doing well, she just gets tired out. You can't blame the little girl, she's so tiny. The Dr. today changed her feeding from 2 bottles a day, 12hrs apart to Bottle-NG Feed-NG Feed-Bottle-NG-NG-Bottle, etc. which will get her to about 3 bottles a day. (NG feed being her feeding tube, for those who don't know). Also they changed her formula to one with a bit more calories, so she has less to drink down, but still gets enough calories. I think one of the things I'm most excited about tomorrow (out of the little things) is to see what she is wearing. She looks soo different in clothes, it's adorable. Of course what I'm REALLY looking forward to is our FIRST chance to feed her a bottle!! Unfortentaely her bottle times tomorrow fall weirdly, 11:30am & 8:30pm. Jeremiah wants to wait until the 8:30pm, for a few reasons. A) He gets his new cell phone tomorrow and that won't be in until at least 9, which doesn't give us enough time to get it set up & make it to Columbia. B) There's less traffic & he HATES driving in big cities, so it is easier on him. C) We discovered last time we were there that she seems more awake around this time than during the afternoon. We haven't really been out there early, ever, so I'm not sure what difference that would make. It doesn't bug me except that 8:30pm tomorrow IS SOOO FAR AWAAAAY!! I'm going to, of course, call tomorrow morning/afternoon & make SURE they don't change her feeding schedule again (because it is definitely possible). I would be so upset if we missed it. Now, Jeremiah was asking me who gets to do it.. Considering she generally takes them in about 15minutes, sharing is not a very likely possibility. (Time goes by extremely quickly when you're holding her, especially when it only happens a few times a week.) I don't want to be SELFISH, and say I want to. But every time we go, I let him hold her first. And generally longer. I think this is something I need.. I know how badly he wants to do it, but I'm the one still suffering from the dreaded preemie mom guilt (it's getting better..) & the loss of what I had pictured for 7months.. I don't think there is a correct answer here. I suppose he & I will talk about it, and honestly if I explain to him how important it is for me, I think he will feel better about it. I know it is hard for him, too, so I try to do things that help him feel better. They always say a baby is happier with a happy mom, but a happy daddy makes a big difference too, in my opinion. Today we stopped by my work & printed out some pics on the Kodak machine. I made 2 little collage things with 4 little potos for Jeremiah. They are perfect size to cut into singles & keep in his wallet. I let him pick which photos he wanted. He's definitely a proud papa! It also seems that my babyshower is still in the works (not that I had heard otherwise, I just like to check in =]. ) Feb. 28th, still. Same time & place (if you didn't get an invite I still have a few extras. And for those family members that didn't get one in the mail, specifically grandma Marnice.. it more than likely got addressed & then misplaced. I had them almost ALL finished before Skyler decided she didn't want to wait, whoops. Guess I should've got started earlier =]. ) I'm very excited for this experience. I think we'll have lots of fun. And, in my opinion, Skyler should be coming home around this time, probably a bit after (unless something comes up). NOTE: I said in my opinion. I'm no doctor. I just have a feeling it will be around that time or a bit later. Which is good, because I really want to set up anything we may get at the shower and then still have time to go get whatever we're still missing. She already has quite a bit of clothes (thanks everyone!). Her Grandma Nancy (aww first time I've really SAID that) & Grandpa Ron are sending her a nice package this week, and I SHOULDDDDD (key word SHOULD!) keep it shut until the shower, to open in front of everyone. HOWEVER I'm not quite sure I can do this! It is my Birthday/Shower/Skyler's birthday gifts and I'm just not sure I can wait!! However, by the time it gets here I'm sure the shower will be right around the corner (Way to go Alaska to Missouri postal service - slowww) so it might not be too difficult. Well, I see now how long this post is and suppose that is plenty of talking to myself for the time being. Red is laying snuggled up under my armpit, making it slightly difficult to type.. I think he has a feeling his life as the baby (only pet in the house for the last few months) is soon to be over =]. I keep telling him, but I doubt he understands. Also, happy thought waves for our kitty Talim. I haven't seen her come to eat in a few days, and yesterday I heard her meowing from what sounded like under the house but she didn't come out to eat. Then this morning Jeremiah saw some red stuff in the snow, where the car is parked & he freaked out saying " I THINK TALIM IS DEAD". I looked at this said red stuff, it does NOT look like blood to me, rather something leaking from the car or something. His theory was that the icecicles by the red stuff had stabbed her or something, and then she bled in the snow. He did note in his insane ramblings that this is the ONLY SPOT this red stuff is at, and that if she had been injured she should have left a trail. I'm pretty confident she has herself stuck under the house, or something. I'm sure she'll figure it out & come out soon, but positive thoughts her way, anyway. I'm not sure how he would handle it if his little baby Talim got hurt (& as much as I swear she is the cat form of the Devil himself, I would be upset, too.) Well, the dog has moved himself to laying across my belly, I think he wants some snuggles.
Look for new pics of Miss Skyler Michaele tomorrow night or Saturday morning!!
p.s. ignore any typos. My laptop keyboard is not as sensitive as it used to be, I have to PUNCH the keys sometimes..
It will make you cry.
How Preemie Moms Are Chosen
(Erma Bombeck)
Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.
As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.
Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.
Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."
Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles."Give her a preemie."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God."Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."
"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She has just the right amount of selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take for granted a spoken word.
She will never consider a step ordinary.
When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it.
I will permit her to see clearly the things I see--ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--and allow her to rise above them.
She will never be alone.
I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
More updating on the past two weeks.
Well, Jeremiah is off to work for his nightshift so I thought I'd add more to my "catching up".
If you've never been into a NICU, you probably wouldn't know what to expect. I know I didn't. There are so many tiny babies, hooked up to so many machines, some making beeps and chimes. You have to wash up before going in and in our NICU, Skyler could only have 4 people (other than Jeremiah & I) on her "visiting list". We put Skyler's grandparents (Jeremiah's parents) and her Aunt Heather (Jeremiah's oldest sister) and left the 4th spot open in case my mom decides to come before Skyler leaves the hospital (since it is still up in the air when she'll come home). All three visited her on her first day in the NICU, and her grandma Theresa has visited again since. It was cute because as she was saying goodbye to Skyler you could see her opening her eyes.
She has been a fighter since the moment she was born, off the ventilator the same day. She was born on a Sunday and we were discharged on Tuesday. It was really difficult for me. The dr. came in at 6am to check on me, etc, discuss some of the discharge info (the rest to be discussed with the nurse as I was discharged). I think that was the first time it really hit me. He said we were to be discharged around noon. After he left I got up and started to pack our things. I wanted everything to be in its place and ready so that we could spend as much time with Skyler as we could before we were to leave. That was the first time I cried about it all. It became so much more real. However, what did make it easier was that Skyler was in a good mood the day we left. The day before I had got to hold her for a few minutes while the nurse moved her to the isolette, but that was all. It wasn't easy for either of us to leave, but we knew it was where she needed to be. Walking in the front door once we got home was a different story. It felt UNREAL again. The house was just the way it was when I had left on Saturday night, and it hit me again that this wasn't how it was "SUPPOSED" to be. However, I went to town straightening her drawers, putting the flowers I had gotten in her room, putting the cards we were given on her dresser. I slept terrible that night. The next day, my birthday, I called and checked on Skyler. By this day (2/3) she had dropped down to 3lbs even, was under the bili lights for jaundice and had taken 1cc of feedings! (Up to this point she had only had her nutrients from the IV). I was assured her weight loss was still normal, as much as we hated it.
On 2/4 we heard that Skyler was being obnoxious to the nurses. It turns out she was not happy with only 3ccs of feeds and so they moved her up to 6. She was MUCH happier after that. We visited her on this day and we got to hold her (Jeremiah for the first time). It was precious. We got some amazing pictures and she was making all kinds of great faces that night. She only had her feeding tube & IV left, we were so happy for her!
On 2/5 she was moved up to 9ccs every 3hrs. I think, if I remember, she was back under the bili lights that day, but that was the last of them! (For now).
On 2/6, Skyler had moved through 9 & 12ccs very well and was on to 15! This was the day her grandma Theresa took me to visit and I got to spend an entire hour holding her while she napped. It was very fulfilling, I really needed it. This was also the first day she wore clothes - too cute!
On 2/8 Skyler was up to 28ccs! She also had finally gained some weight and was back up to 3lbs 3.4oz, and her bed had been turned down 3 times (she was starting to hold her temperature!). I believe the night before was when she was moved to the Lvl 2 Nursery.
On 2/10 She was up to 3lbs 4.2oz. We went to visit and they took out her IV that day - which I'm sure she was thankful for. Her feeding tube was moved to her nose, which she didn't seem to mind as much as the one in her mouth. By now, she was taking 28ccs. We also got a copy of her footprints that day =).
2/11 We found out Skyler had taken her FIRST bottle! She took a little over half of it before getting sleepy. We were soo proud. What a great first try!
On 2/13 We went to visit and got to hold Skyler as she had her 8:30pm feeding. She was being soo adorable, opening her eyes as much as she could. However about halfway through her dinner, she conked out in our arms. This day she had taken her WHOLE bottle! It took her about 30min, but we were so proud yet again.
On 2/14 Skyler took two bottles, her first one in 15minutes!
On 2/15 she was 3lbs 9.2oz (hurrraaay) and took TWO bottles. She had also grown to 16inches long. We are so happy that she is pressing forward.
I think this about gets us caught up, as far as how she is doing medical wise. We take pictures every trip we make. On my birthday, Heather dropped by and gave us a little calendar photo with Skyler's picture on it with a frame. We hung it on the wall. A lot of Skyler's family members have been sending her gifts, since even BEFORE she was born, but alot after as well. I'd like to take this moment to say THANK YOU to all of our family members who have sent us cards, gifts, etc. We appreciate it all. And though I'd like to stop opening them all and bring them to the shower to open (so everyone can see!) I just can't stop myself! I get so excited, open it, show each & every little thing to Jeremiah and then put it away in her room for her. It is so much fun! So again, thank you to each & every one of you. Your thoughts & prayers are also appreciated in every way possible. & With that note, I will end the posts for today. Thank you all for reading.
If you've never been into a NICU, you probably wouldn't know what to expect. I know I didn't. There are so many tiny babies, hooked up to so many machines, some making beeps and chimes. You have to wash up before going in and in our NICU, Skyler could only have 4 people (other than Jeremiah & I) on her "visiting list". We put Skyler's grandparents (Jeremiah's parents) and her Aunt Heather (Jeremiah's oldest sister) and left the 4th spot open in case my mom decides to come before Skyler leaves the hospital (since it is still up in the air when she'll come home). All three visited her on her first day in the NICU, and her grandma Theresa has visited again since. It was cute because as she was saying goodbye to Skyler you could see her opening her eyes.
She has been a fighter since the moment she was born, off the ventilator the same day. She was born on a Sunday and we were discharged on Tuesday. It was really difficult for me. The dr. came in at 6am to check on me, etc, discuss some of the discharge info (the rest to be discussed with the nurse as I was discharged). I think that was the first time it really hit me. He said we were to be discharged around noon. After he left I got up and started to pack our things. I wanted everything to be in its place and ready so that we could spend as much time with Skyler as we could before we were to leave. That was the first time I cried about it all. It became so much more real. However, what did make it easier was that Skyler was in a good mood the day we left. The day before I had got to hold her for a few minutes while the nurse moved her to the isolette, but that was all. It wasn't easy for either of us to leave, but we knew it was where she needed to be. Walking in the front door once we got home was a different story. It felt UNREAL again. The house was just the way it was when I had left on Saturday night, and it hit me again that this wasn't how it was "SUPPOSED" to be. However, I went to town straightening her drawers, putting the flowers I had gotten in her room, putting the cards we were given on her dresser. I slept terrible that night. The next day, my birthday, I called and checked on Skyler. By this day (2/3) she had dropped down to 3lbs even, was under the bili lights for jaundice and had taken 1cc of feedings! (Up to this point she had only had her nutrients from the IV). I was assured her weight loss was still normal, as much as we hated it.
On 2/4 we heard that Skyler was being obnoxious to the nurses. It turns out she was not happy with only 3ccs of feeds and so they moved her up to 6. She was MUCH happier after that. We visited her on this day and we got to hold her (Jeremiah for the first time). It was precious. We got some amazing pictures and she was making all kinds of great faces that night. She only had her feeding tube & IV left, we were so happy for her!
On 2/5 she was moved up to 9ccs every 3hrs. I think, if I remember, she was back under the bili lights that day, but that was the last of them! (For now).
On 2/6, Skyler had moved through 9 & 12ccs very well and was on to 15! This was the day her grandma Theresa took me to visit and I got to spend an entire hour holding her while she napped. It was very fulfilling, I really needed it. This was also the first day she wore clothes - too cute!
On 2/8 Skyler was up to 28ccs! She also had finally gained some weight and was back up to 3lbs 3.4oz, and her bed had been turned down 3 times (she was starting to hold her temperature!). I believe the night before was when she was moved to the Lvl 2 Nursery.
On 2/10 She was up to 3lbs 4.2oz. We went to visit and they took out her IV that day - which I'm sure she was thankful for. Her feeding tube was moved to her nose, which she didn't seem to mind as much as the one in her mouth. By now, she was taking 28ccs. We also got a copy of her footprints that day =).
2/11 We found out Skyler had taken her FIRST bottle! She took a little over half of it before getting sleepy. We were soo proud. What a great first try!
On 2/13 We went to visit and got to hold Skyler as she had her 8:30pm feeding. She was being soo adorable, opening her eyes as much as she could. However about halfway through her dinner, she conked out in our arms. This day she had taken her WHOLE bottle! It took her about 30min, but we were so proud yet again.
On 2/14 Skyler took two bottles, her first one in 15minutes!
On 2/15 she was 3lbs 9.2oz (hurrraaay) and took TWO bottles. She had also grown to 16inches long. We are so happy that she is pressing forward.
I think this about gets us caught up, as far as how she is doing medical wise. We take pictures every trip we make. On my birthday, Heather dropped by and gave us a little calendar photo with Skyler's picture on it with a frame. We hung it on the wall. A lot of Skyler's family members have been sending her gifts, since even BEFORE she was born, but alot after as well. I'd like to take this moment to say THANK YOU to all of our family members who have sent us cards, gifts, etc. We appreciate it all. And though I'd like to stop opening them all and bring them to the shower to open (so everyone can see!) I just can't stop myself! I get so excited, open it, show each & every little thing to Jeremiah and then put it away in her room for her. It is so much fun! So again, thank you to each & every one of you. Your thoughts & prayers are also appreciated in every way possible. & With that note, I will end the posts for today. Thank you all for reading.
A brief summary.
Instead of posting old journals, I think I'll just summarize my pregnancy. We found out at the end of July, the 31st I believe was the actual test from the clinic. It took me a bit to tell my family because Mom wouldn't answer her phone, and I knew she'd be jealous if I told my dad first and she heard it from someone else & not me, so I had to wait until she finally wanted to talk to me. She told me that she didn't answer the phone for a few days because a) she was busy & b) she had a feeling it was "something like that" and wanted to wait until the stress of whatever was going on at the time had passed. It didn't take too long for her to get excited though. My dad seemed pretty happy right away, though I still think he doesn't quite jive with her name. (He thinks it's "a boys name" though I've known both girls & boys with it, so hah!). My pregnancy was very uneventful. It did start off with a urinary tract infection at about 10wks, which led to a little spotting and me FREAKING OUT & going to the ER - which turned out to be a good thing, because I've read what untreated UTIs can do in a pregnancy, owch! That was the first time I got to see the little heartbeat on the screen. It was amazing! Jeremiah wasn't there, unfortunately, because he was at work. He was furious at me, too, for not getting pictures - though there really wasn't much to see at the time! And the ER isn't "supposed" to give you pics, anyhow.
At 12 weeks (September) (and some odd days, perhaps) we had our first appointment. I was 94lbs. Jeremiah got to see the ultrasound that time - & we both loved it. Skyler was bouncing & wiggling alllll over, Dr. M even said "you have a fun baby to watch!" All of my tests from this appointment came back fine - the antibiotics took out the UTI, all other screenings were great.
10/13/09 (16w3d) I had gained 4lbs. Heartbeat was between 140 & 150, just like usual. Everything checked out normal.
11/03/09 (19w3d) I weighed in at 100.something lbs, and did our gender ultrasound. We brought a video tape for recording. Though we both went into this hoping for a boy, we were not disappointed or sad when we found out we were having a girl. She was so CUTE! She was a little more quiet than the last 2 u/s, but she looked great. We even caught her sticking her fingers in her mouth.
12/1/09 (23w3d) I weighed 103.8 on this appointment. I found out I passed the 1HR glucose test, which really wasn't THAT bad. The Dr. I saw that day (mine was on mat. leave) could even see Skyler's little butt pressed up into my side - it was hilarious. This Dr. even told Jeremiah I could eat "whatever I wanted!" because my weight gain had been good so far.
12/29/09 (27w3d) I had now gained up to 108lbs. Skyler's heartbeat was great, as usual in the 140's. This is when I noticed I was measuring small - I only measured at 25cm this appointment, and I was 27 weeks. Dr. M didn't seem worried, though.
1/19/10 (30w3d) I was now up to 109.8 lbs but everything else was still great. No protein in my urine, blood pressure looked fine. I was a little concerned about the Braxton Hicks I had been noticing, but Dr. M said it was fine - as long as there weren't more than 6/hr. However, I measured at 27cm this appointment - so 3 weeks behind. I was starting to get worried, but I guess Dr. M wasn't. Skyler was head down at this point.
1/30/10 (32 weeks) I was sitting on the couch around 8something PM when my water started to leak. I didn't really know what it was at first so I waited until Jeremiah got home around 10 (then I played Sims for another 30mins) before I got up to check. I hadn't had any contractions or anything that I was noticing, but I definitely knew something was up when I went to the bathroom. We were out the door and on our way to the hospital by 10:45, arriving around 11:30ish. Walking through the ER parking lot, my water broke and I was soaked!! Neither of us was freaking out - we just had to go with the flow, what choice did we have! I was checked for dilation (I believe 1-2cm & 70% effaced). They hooked me up to all kinds of antibiotics, etc & sent me off to Columbia - our hospital was not equipped to handle a baby under 34 weeks. (I know this is short & not much info but I don't think it is necessary for this blog to post my entire labor & delivery story, really..) I got there, safe & sound, somewhere around, 3am? The contractions had gotten rather uncomfy in the ambulance ride (and the ride itself wasn't wonderful, but I tolerated it). The next couple of hours went by fast - falling in & out of sleep, getting penicillin, being 6cm, getting my epidural, being 8cm, Dr. telling me to alert them when I started to feel pressure, the look on his face when I happily let him check me & I was a 10, telling him I didn't feel anything! (Apparently I was all smiles - the epidural was very nice, for me & my situation). Next thing I knew, we were pushing. And after about 40mins (my contractions would come in spurts & then stop completely..) Skyler was born! At first she didn't make much of a sound, but once NICU got her and started to do whatever it is they did.. (they had a special little room connected to ours) she cried!! It was a wave of relief. She cried. It took us HOURS to see her. HOURSHOURS and HOURS. Apparently I started off a day of birth! I believe they said by about 2pm or so they had 4 or 5 births, one including twins that were also preemie & so once they got Skyler stabalized in NICU they were working on the twins, thus pushing time back for us to see her. I was afraid once I saw her I would freak out, all the tubes & wires, but actually, it is much more scary in the pics - because I could see how great she looked. Yes, the wires & tubes etc. did make her look so tiny & fragile but underneath it all was a fighter - a big, strong girl in a tiny little body. She was so awesome. So perfect. And now, when I look back on it, it does hurt to know I didn't hold her until after she was a day old (and only for about 2mins), and yes, I hate the fact that she wasn't given to me right after birth, and of course, leaving her my day of discharge was the hardest moment I've faced, but we have to look back and tell ourselves that this is where she needs to be, for now. Soon she will come home..
There is much more to tell, but for now, I will stop. I'm sure later I will be inspired to continue to tell Skyler's Story.
At 12 weeks (September) (and some odd days, perhaps) we had our first appointment. I was 94lbs. Jeremiah got to see the ultrasound that time - & we both loved it. Skyler was bouncing & wiggling alllll over, Dr. M even said "you have a fun baby to watch!" All of my tests from this appointment came back fine - the antibiotics took out the UTI, all other screenings were great.
10/13/09 (16w3d) I had gained 4lbs. Heartbeat was between 140 & 150, just like usual. Everything checked out normal.
11/03/09 (19w3d) I weighed in at 100.something lbs, and did our gender ultrasound. We brought a video tape for recording. Though we both went into this hoping for a boy, we were not disappointed or sad when we found out we were having a girl. She was so CUTE! She was a little more quiet than the last 2 u/s, but she looked great. We even caught her sticking her fingers in her mouth.
12/1/09 (23w3d) I weighed 103.8 on this appointment. I found out I passed the 1HR glucose test, which really wasn't THAT bad. The Dr. I saw that day (mine was on mat. leave) could even see Skyler's little butt pressed up into my side - it was hilarious. This Dr. even told Jeremiah I could eat "whatever I wanted!" because my weight gain had been good so far.
12/29/09 (27w3d) I had now gained up to 108lbs. Skyler's heartbeat was great, as usual in the 140's. This is when I noticed I was measuring small - I only measured at 25cm this appointment, and I was 27 weeks. Dr. M didn't seem worried, though.
1/19/10 (30w3d) I was now up to 109.8 lbs but everything else was still great. No protein in my urine, blood pressure looked fine. I was a little concerned about the Braxton Hicks I had been noticing, but Dr. M said it was fine - as long as there weren't more than 6/hr. However, I measured at 27cm this appointment - so 3 weeks behind. I was starting to get worried, but I guess Dr. M wasn't. Skyler was head down at this point.
1/30/10 (32 weeks) I was sitting on the couch around 8something PM when my water started to leak. I didn't really know what it was at first so I waited until Jeremiah got home around 10 (then I played Sims for another 30mins) before I got up to check. I hadn't had any contractions or anything that I was noticing, but I definitely knew something was up when I went to the bathroom. We were out the door and on our way to the hospital by 10:45, arriving around 11:30ish. Walking through the ER parking lot, my water broke and I was soaked!! Neither of us was freaking out - we just had to go with the flow, what choice did we have! I was checked for dilation (I believe 1-2cm & 70% effaced). They hooked me up to all kinds of antibiotics, etc & sent me off to Columbia - our hospital was not equipped to handle a baby under 34 weeks. (I know this is short & not much info but I don't think it is necessary for this blog to post my entire labor & delivery story, really..) I got there, safe & sound, somewhere around, 3am? The contractions had gotten rather uncomfy in the ambulance ride (and the ride itself wasn't wonderful, but I tolerated it). The next couple of hours went by fast - falling in & out of sleep, getting penicillin, being 6cm, getting my epidural, being 8cm, Dr. telling me to alert them when I started to feel pressure, the look on his face when I happily let him check me & I was a 10, telling him I didn't feel anything! (Apparently I was all smiles - the epidural was very nice, for me & my situation). Next thing I knew, we were pushing. And after about 40mins (my contractions would come in spurts & then stop completely..) Skyler was born! At first she didn't make much of a sound, but once NICU got her and started to do whatever it is they did.. (they had a special little room connected to ours) she cried!! It was a wave of relief. She cried. It took us HOURS to see her. HOURSHOURS and HOURS. Apparently I started off a day of birth! I believe they said by about 2pm or so they had 4 or 5 births, one including twins that were also preemie & so once they got Skyler stabalized in NICU they were working on the twins, thus pushing time back for us to see her. I was afraid once I saw her I would freak out, all the tubes & wires, but actually, it is much more scary in the pics - because I could see how great she looked. Yes, the wires & tubes etc. did make her look so tiny & fragile but underneath it all was a fighter - a big, strong girl in a tiny little body. She was so awesome. So perfect. And now, when I look back on it, it does hurt to know I didn't hold her until after she was a day old (and only for about 2mins), and yes, I hate the fact that she wasn't given to me right after birth, and of course, leaving her my day of discharge was the hardest moment I've faced, but we have to look back and tell ourselves that this is where she needs to be, for now. Soon she will come home..
There is much more to tell, but for now, I will stop. I'm sure later I will be inspired to continue to tell Skyler's Story.
Catching Up - Aka Backtracking.
I'm going to begin by backtracking - maybe taking a few posts from my BBC Journal and posting them here, and then start catching up from there (or maybe not..). I can't promise to update every day, but I probably will get pretty close to it, at least until Skyler comes home! I will use this blog not only to track her progress & healing as she makes her way out of NICU and into her home, but also our progress & healing as we make the emotional journey of transforming our lives. We, too, were pushed suddenly -- from "soon to be parents" to the emotional rollar coaster of preemie parents. We have been very lucky so far to have a little fighter. Her roadblocks have been so minor in comparison to some I have read about, and we wish those families health & many happy days to come. Even though Skyler's journey in the NICU so far (currently at 16 days) has been uneventful and fairly calm, it is never easy to say goodbye over and over again to our little girl. Here's to hoping easier days are on the horizon.
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